Are you being truly emotionally abused?

Emotional abuse in marriages concept. Mature woman crying on floor, her husband blaming or accusing her at home, copy space. Middle-aged man bullying his wife, insulting his scared depressed partner

Welcome to Difficult Conversation Africa, in this episode, the question we focus on in this episode is ‘Are you truly being emotionally abused?’ Many people, especially  ladies, do not know they are being abused. On some cases, love covers their eyes with regards to the reality.   Emotional and mental abuse is hardest to define. So many may be confused with regard to what this means. But first, what is emotional abuse?   For the sake of clarity, emotion is a sense of strong feelings derived from one circumstances, mood and relationships with others. Emotions relate to feeling, which is instinctive or intuitive. We will come back to this.   Verrywell.com defines Emotional abuse  as a way to control another person by using emotions to criticize, embarrass, shame, blame, or otherwise manipulate another person.  Vital words from the definition emotional abuse include: use of emotion as a weapon of criticizing, embarrassing, shaming, blaming and manipulation.   Generally, to establish emotional abuse, there must be a relationship between two people, (2) there is a consistent pattern of abusive words and bullying behaviours that wear down a person’s self-esteem and undermine their mental health . If these are in place, an emotionally abused person will constantly  feel- being wounded, frustrated, confused, misunderstood, depressed, anxious, or worthless any time s/he interact with the other person. Healthline.com gives clue about what an emotional abused person goes through 1 .Name-calling. They’ll blatantly call you “stupid,” “a loser, bad person, you are not a good person. 2Yelling. Yelling, screaming, which are meant to intimidate and make you feel small and inconsequential. 

3. Public embarrassment.They pick fights, expose your secrets, or make fun of your shortcomings in public.
4. Dismissiveness.You tell them about something that’s important to you and they say it’s nothing. 
5. Insults of your appearance. They tell you, just before you go out, that your hair is ugly or your outfit is clownish.
6. Belittling your accomplishments.Your abuser might tell you that your achievements mean nothing, or they may even claim responsibility for your success.
7. Unilateral decision-making.They might close a joint bank account, cancel your doctor’s appointment, or speak with your boss without asking.
8. Financial control.They might keep bank accounts in their name only and make you ask for money. You might be expected to account for every penny you spend.
9. Lecturing.Belabouring your errors with long monologues makes it clear they think you’re beneath them.
10. Direct orders.From “Get my dinner on the table now” to “Stop taking the pill,” orders are expected to be followed despite your plans to the contrary.
11. Treating you like a child.They tell you what to wear, what and how much to eat, or which friends you can see.
12. They walk out.In a social situation, stomping out of the room leaves you holding the bag. At home, it’s a tool to keep the problem unresolved.
13. Provocative then blaming.Abusers know just how to upset you. But once the trouble starts, it’s your fault for creating it.
14. Denying their abuse.When you complain about their attacks, abusers will deny it, seemingly bewildered at the very thought of it.
15. Trivializing.When you want to talk about your hurt feelings, they accuse you of overreacting and making mountains out of molehills.
16. Shutting down communication.They’ll ignore your attempts at conversation in person, by text, or by phone.
17. Dehumanizing you.They’ll look away when you’re talking or stare at something else when they speak to you.
18. Withholding affection.They won’t touch you, not even to hold your hand or pat you on the shoulder. They may refuse sexual relations to punish you or to get you to do something.
19. Indifference.They see you hurt or crying and do nothing.
20. Disputing your feelings.Whatever you feel, they’ll say you’re wrong to feel that way or that’s not really what you feel at all.

Peradventure the abuser does not change after several dialogues,there is a need to walk away. Keep a distance, move ahead. Let us conclude, if you discover you are being emotionally abused, please note that emotional abuse stemmed from emotion which has to do with ‘strong feeling’ you had for someone which the individuals may be taking advantage of.  Be willing to move away from the abuser irrespective of the society’s stigma or hypocrisy. Your life should be important First, feelings are fleeting. So take advantage of that opportunity, you can overcome it by talking to yourself for a change . On the alternative seek counsel from a professional  Second, emotional abuse is a product of giving power to the abuser, who takes advantage of your strong feelings for him/her. You can withdraw that feelings and take charge. Finally, you can also talk to a therapist.   Thank you for your time. Please do subscribe and follow our Facebook, Instagram, Youtube handles.